Correspondence
by Zookeeper
Summary: Due to unfortunate circumstances, the Shinobi of Konoha are forced to use an email system instead of the familiar couriers. Implied couples, CRACK. [New: Gai Haircare part II]
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series_ Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** General CRACK. Do not take this seriously, and if you feel like you have to, I recommend you to leave now.

There is no definitive timeline for this fic. So don't try to place it at a certain point in the manga.

**Note:** Ideally, there would be an (at) symbol after the names, followed by Alas, doesn't allow "decorative" symbols, so it won't show up.

* * *

From: administration 

To: Konoha Shinobi

Subject: New E-mail system

Hello all,

This is your Konoha Shinobi Administration Office. After reviewing numerous complaints from mail couriers and owners of courier birds sustaining injuries from Shinobi who were unhappy with the news they have received, we have come to the conclusion that worker's compensation and hospitalization/vet costs for said couriers have become too great for us as a village to sustain such an occupation. Therefore, from today on, all Konoha Ninja would be required to communicate via E-mail. We thank you for your cooperation, though really, it's your fault we're in this jam in the first place.

Sincerely yours,

Konoha Shinobi Administration Office

P.S., before you even think of it, know that we at Admin have already tried to withdraw capital from the Elders' Sake Fund to sustain mail couriers. Check Konoha prison cells No.326-348 and Konoha hospital beds No.28-34 if you wish to know the outcome.

* * *

Zookeeper: This is just a prologue. Future chapters will likely be short, mainly because of the type of fic this is, but not as short as this. 


	2. Neji Creativity

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series_ Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** General CRACK. Do not take this seriously, and if you feel like you have to, I recommend you to leave now.

There is no definitive timeline for this fic. So don't try to place it at a certain point in the manga.

**Note:** Ideally, there would be an (at) symbol after the names, followed by Alas, bans "decorative" symbols, so they won't show up.

* * *

From: NOT Tenten 

To: hyuuga.neji

Subject: Your email address

Come on, Neji, hyuuga.neji? You have the imagination of a rock.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

From: jr.green.beast

To: hyuuga.neji

Subject: Youthful creativity

My dear ETERNAL RIVAL Neji!

What has happened to you! When has your YOUTHFUL EXUBERANCE left you, leaving you deprived of all your YOUTHFUL CREATIVITY! It must be all that terrible, horrible, UNIMAGINABLE stuffiness at the Hyuuga compound! As your rival, I cannot help but be concerned by your state! After all, a good rival does not a depressed rival make! Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to give you some suggestions for a better e-mail address!

Try:

gai.sensei.is.the.best

green.equals.youth

i.love.gai.sensei

Never FEAR! There is enough YOUTH for all of us! TIME IS STILL APLENTY, BUT DO NOT LET WHAT YOU HAVE SLIP AWAY!

With all the YOUTHFUL LOVE and SINCERITY,

Your Eternal Rival Rock Lee

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From: hyuuga.neji

To: sharp.and.pointy; jr.green.beast

Subject: Shut up

Dear Tenten and Lee,

Shut up, both of you. There is nothing wrong with my email address, it is clear and concise and reflects my position as the sane member of our team.

Sincerely,

Hyuuga Neji, Branch house heir

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From: sharp.and.pointy

To: hyuuga.neji

Subject: How?

Dear Neji,

How did you know it was I? I had an acquaintance of mine help block my identity.

Yours,

Tenten

P.S., You're too angsty to be the sane member of our team, that's my job.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hyuuga.neji

To: sharp.and.pointy

Subject: Re: How?

Dear Tenten,

I only gave my email address to 3 people –for communication purposes, must I remind you, and not this nonsense you have been bombarding me with--, including Gai-sensei. I will have to be as crazy as he is to not be able to identify Lee's writing... style, if you can call it that. Which leaves you.

Sincerely,

Hyuuga Neji, Branch house heir

P.S., Next time you ask an "acquaintance" of yours for help, make sure it isn't Gai-sensei.

P.P.S., I am not angsty. That's Uchiha Sasuke's job.

* * *

Zookeeper: There ya go, our first "official" chapter. The next chapters will vary in length, and they will be more or less unrelated to each other. 

(sigh) I really wish would allow the non-writing-related symbols. Oh well.

Feel free to drop me an idea, help with brainstorming is always appreciated, along with all reviews!


	3. Kakashi Mission

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series _Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** General CRACK. Do not take this seriously, and if you feel like you have to, I recommend you to leave now.

There is no definitive timeline for this fic. So don't try to place it at a certain point in the manga.

**Note:** Ideally, there would be an (at) symbol after the names, followed by Alas, bans decorative symbols, so they won't show up.

* * *

From: anbu

To: icha.icha.porn

Subject: Mission No.36549

_Automatic message, please do not reply_

_For security purposes, this email can only be viewed after the following has been entered correctly:_

ANBU ID NUMBER:

PASSWORD:

Name: Hatake Kakashi

Status: Jounin

Rank: A

Location: ANBU Headquarters

Time: 4:00 p.m. Oct.4

Purpose: Mission briefing

Other Notes: This is a short mission and you will be required to leave immediately, so pack accordingly.

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From: anbu

To: icha.icha.porn

Subject: Your mission

Hatake Kakashi,

We at ANBU congratulate you on your recently accomplished mission. The appropriate amount has been placed into your account. Attached is a receipt of the transaction, please print and keep it as confirmation. We look forward to having the pleasures of your services again.

Thank you,

ANBU

P.S., Hatake, for the love of the Hokage change your email address. It's terribly unprofessional.

P.P.S., Is it true that you fell into a dried well because you had no depth perception?

------------------------------------------------------------------

From: icha.icha.porn

To: anbu

Subject: Speaking of professionalism

Dear ANBU,

"The pleasures of my services"? Let's not mix business with pleasure, shall we? Though, not to brag or anything, I don't blame you for having me on your mind during business hours. (wink)

Yours,

Kakashi

P.S., No.

------------------------------------------------------------------

From anbu

To: icha.icha.porn

Subject: Shut the fuck up

Damn it, Hatake, quit abusing the system. Remember, we have your address on file. And anyway, the Tech Squad wrote the template for that, we just copy and paste.

ANBU

P.S., You can't wink, you dumbass. It'll be the same as closing both eyes for you.

P.P.S., You need a better hobby.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

From: tech.support

To: icha.icha.porn

Subject: Your behaviour

Hatake Kakashi,

We feel compelled to remind you that the computers at ANBU headquarters are there for everyone's convenience. After reviewing several complaints (one of which came in the form of a computer completely melted by a fire jutsu, the cost of which will be deducted from your account), we have no choice but to issue you an unofficial warning from the Technological Support Squad regarding your behaviour.

For the love of all that is holy, Kakashi, STOP SURFING PORN ON THE ANBU COMPUTERS! Ever since you started using them the amount of viruses and complaints have quadrupled! We are convinced that it is not a coincidence.

Thank you,

Tech Support Squad

* * *

Zookeeper: Ah, second chapter complete.

Man, I'm doing really pathetically in the review department, aren't I?

Feel free to drop me an idea, help with brainstorming is always appreciated, along with all reviews!


	4. Sakura Aphrodisiac

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series _Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Warning:** General CRACK. Do not take this seriously, and if you feel like you have to, I recommend you to leave now. **Implied KakaSaku.**

* * *

From: sasuke.fanclub

To: Members of Sasuke's Fanclub

Subject: Spying Thursday

Hey girls!

This is your president, Yamanaka Ino here! Alrighty, this E-mail thing is going to come in pretty handy for scheduling our super discreet spying sessions, since we don't have to worry about Sasuke shooting our courier birds anymore. For now, our next session is scheduled at this Thursday. I've received information that at 7:00 p.m. (give or take a couple of hours), Sasuke will be going out for dinner since the last power outage spoiled the food in his fridge. Eww... our Sasuke-kun isn't going to settle for anything less than the best, and spoiled food certainly isn't it! Even Chouji avoids it if he can, though food rarely has enough time to rot around him. Anyway, don't forget to bring binoculars, tracking devices, aphrodisiacs, whatever you think is necessary! But remember, once we're out there, it's every girl for herself!

Good luck!

Ino nn

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: godaime

To: cherry.blossoms

Subject: Your assignment

Sakura,

Your next assignment is to learn to identity the names, appearances, affects, and treatments related to aphrodisiacs. It had just been recently added to the Konoha Medic-nin education curriculum, due to a special set of circumstances regarding Uchiha Sasuke that I'm sure you know about. Don't think you've fooled me just because you were smart enough to run away.

Sincerely not drunk,

Tsunade

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From: cherry.blossoms

To: godaime

Subject: Book rentals

Dear Hokage-sama,

I have a favour to ask of you.

During my course of study regarding aphrodisiacs, I believe it is necessary to check out a few books from the Konoha Library. Unfortunately, they are placed in the adult-only section, and the stuffy, sexually-deprived librarians refuse me entry on the grounds that I am not of Jounin rank or married.

Could you please give me something in the form of written permission to allow me entry?

Thank you,

Sakura

P.S., Run away? I have no idea what you're talking about.

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From: godaime

To: cherry.blossoms

Subject: Re: Book Rentals

Sakura,

I know who you're talking about. They're the same people who refused to lend me that book on sake brewing before I became Hokage. Ha!

Don't bother with a permission slip, they'll micro-analyze it down to the brand of ink I used. Just get a fake I.D from Shizune, or something.

Sincerely not drunk,

Tsunade

P.S., Of course you do.

P.P.S., if that pervert of an ex-sensei of yours tries to borrow the books from you, DO NOT LEND IT TO HIM. He is prohibited from the adult-only section for a very good reason.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: cherry.blossoms

To: icha.icha.porn

Subject: No means NO

Dear Kakashi-sensei,

With all due respect and for the last time, I am not lending my books to you! They are intended for medical research, and I refuse to have their integrity undermined by your actions. Don't bother lying; I'm firm in my conviction that your interest regarding them is the furthest thing from being medically-related.

Sincerely,

Sakura

P.S., is the true what the librarians said? That you were banned from the adult-only section because you copied all the moves from the sex ed. videos with your sharingan?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: cherry.blossoms

To: icha.icha.porn

Subject: Please Disregard!

Dear Kakashi Sensei,

Please, PLEASE disregard the post-script in my last email! I wasn't myself when I wrote that last night, after having drunk several cups of coffee from the Hokage's office to aid with my late-night studying efforts. I've been around Hokage-sama long enough, I should have known better than to drink anything of hers.

Sincerely,

Sakura

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From: icha.icha.porn

To: cherry.blossoms

Subject: Why, Sakura...

Regarding those moves, you'll find out soon enough. (wink)

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From: i.love.ramen

To: cherry.blossoms

Subject: Are you sick?

Are you okay, Sakura-chan? Your walking was all weird today, are you hurt? How can you be hurt when you haven't been on any missions for the past 6 months? Or is it the past half-year? 6 months? Half year?

Anyway, when I went to eat ramen with Iruka-sensei today, he told me that Kakashi-sensei was grinning all day. Isn't that weird? I mean, how could Iruka-sensei tell? Iruka-sensei must really be a genius! He just didn't tell us because he wanted the ailment of surprise! Iruka-sensei is so smart!

Dattebayo,

The next Hokage

* * *

Zookeeper: R&R, please!

And yes, the "ailment" is supposed to be "element". It is on purpose. Malaprop.

Feel free to drop me an idea, help with brainstorming is always appreciated, along with all reviews!

R E C R A P T O R: Thank you! I'll see if I can work it in somehow.


	5. Akatsuki Chores

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series _Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

From: leader 

To: Akatsuki Members

Subject: New E-mail System

Greetings,

After observing recent changes in Konoha, the Akatsuki will start communicating via a new e-mailing system, as I have informed you all last night. It will shorten our communication time, since we have a tendency to be scattered around the hidden villages in our search for biju.

Rei,

Your Leader

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From: leader

To: orange.swirl

Subject: Nail polish

Tobi,

Obtain some more nail polish en route of your next mission. We're running low on supplies.

Remember, the shade is called Pimpin' Purple. Don't get that appallingly bright violet shade Orochimaru did that time.

Rei,

Your Leader

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: leader

To: orange.swirl

Subject: Cloaks

Tobi,

You are a moron. Why is it that you can only do one thing right at a time?

While it's good that you got the right shade of nail polish, I must say I am very disappointed after seeing our cloaks, which I have assigned you to wash.

Tobi, when one's cloak is black and red, one does not use laundry bleach. No, I don't care if it gets the blood out easier or has a nice smell. The point is, now all our cloaks are grey and pink. It clashes terribly with Kisame's skin, Zetsu's head, Itachi's eyes, your face... I'm too disappointed to even go on.

You won't get a pay cheque this month, since I've used it to order new cloaks. Unfortunately, your pay is only enough to cover 8 cloaks, therefore you will be wearing your grey and pink cloak until you get a new one yourself with your next month's pay. And no, you won't get the discount that I did by buying in bulk.

Rei,

Leader

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From: shark.man

To: uchiha.magekyou

Subject: Dinner

Itachi,

What was it that you made for dinner last night? That thing you called Heart Strings. Think you can give me the recipe to add to my seafood-recipe collection?

Nan,

Kisame

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: uchiha.magekyou

To: shark.man

Subject: Recipe

Kisame,

Of course, here it is.

Uchiha Heart Strings a.k.a. Shark Fin Soup

1/2 lb Shark's Fin

2 cup Scallion stalks

6 cup Stock

1/2 tsp Salt

1. Capture live shark and skin the fin, then remove.

2. Mince Scallion stalks.

3. Bring stock to a boil. Add shark's fin and scallion and simmer, covered, 20 minutes.

4. Season with salt.

Note: Having the shark alive and watch you prepare the course is recommended, but not necessary.

Hope you enjoy.

Shu,

Itachi

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: venus.flytrap

To: uchiha.magekyou

Subject: Kisame

Itachi,

Your partner has been acting strange lately, even by Akatsuki standards.

For the past 5 hours he's been sitting in front of the computer and staring at an e-mail, while watching some insane, juvenile animation, muttering about "fish are friends, not food".

What's going on?

Kai,

Zetsu

P.S., Personally, I think he's having a bad reaction to your dinner last night.

* * *

Zookeeper: Rather short chapter. Ah well, Review, please! 

Help with brainstorming will always be appreciaated, and leave a review especially if you don't like what you see!


	6. Itachi Eyelashes

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series _Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

From: uchiha.magekyou 

To: uchiha.avenger

Subject: Still lacking hatred

Dear Foolish Little Brother,

How are you, since my last visit? Not missing too many limbs, I hope. I'd rather not be killed by an invalid if I could help it. Then again, at the rate you're progressing now, I'll capture the Kyuubi before you ever manage to get your hands on him, and you'll never have the Magekyou Sharingan, and you'll never be strong enough, and then you'll never kill me. What a bleak future you have ahead of you. It almost makes me regret not killing you that night. But then again, someone had to take care of the flowerbeds on our compound; it'll be a shame to let them wither away.

You really should learn to use your Sharingan better; it's a lot more efficient than that noisy jutsu of yours. Did you pick that up from Kakashi-sensei? Ask him to teach you about the Sharingan instead. I'd do it, but that defeats the whole purpose of leaving you alive, doesn't it? Kakashi's skills using the Sharingan are nowhere near that of an Uchiha, but nevertheless it's more useful on him that it ever would be on uncle Obito. If I took pleasure from gambling, I'd be willing to bet he hasn't told you that little story yet.

Watching you,

Your nii-san

P.S., Don't bother tracing the IP address. I'm at ANBU headquarters right now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: cherry.blossoms

To: sasukes.no1.fan

Subject: OMG

OMG INO, you will NOT believe what happened today!

Naruto and I were over at Sasuke's, checking over his "injuries" from your last spying session. Well, I was, Naruto was raiding his fridge and making a lot of noise in general. Anyway, he was checking his email and the next thing I knew, he freaked out and bolted out of the house towards ANBU headquarters! We went after him, of course, and it turns out that his brother, THE Uchiha Itachi, was there!

Apparently, Itachi was in ANBU headquarters emailing Sasuke and nobody noticed. That is, until Kakashi-sensei came (probably to surf porn) and recognized his ANBU mask.

By the time I got there Itachi was facing off with Kakashi-sensei, both of them doing the whole show-no-emotion-while-you-trash-talk thing, and Sasuke was still freaking out on the side being all angsty and melodramatic and held back by Genma-san. Gai-sensei was there too, rambling something about how COOL and MODERN Kakashi-sensei is. I'm not quite sure, since everyone tuned him out. Next thing I knew I was looking at (thankfully not directly into) FIVE Sharingans! Five! It was like a reunion of all the Sharingans in the world, except without the happiness and love seen at most reunions. Long story short, it turns out that this Itachi was actually a body-double made by the Akatsuki leader's Shapeshifting Technique, and in reality was some poor Akatsuki lackey who died rather quickly. They probably did it just to taunt us and mess with poor Sasuke-kun's nerves, those bastards.

I know we've all heard stories and everything, but I've never seen all the Jounins so tense before and you can practically feel the doom in the air. Makes you wonder just how strong Sasuke's brother really is, doesn't it?

Sakura

P.S., You will NOT believe the eyelashes Itachi has. They're even longer and thicker than yours after 2 hours of primping.

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From: administration

To: Konoha Shinobi

Subject: Incident

Dear Konoha Shinobi,

We at admin are aware of the rumours circulating around regarding an incident at the ANBU headquarters earlier today. To clarify everything, here is the official statement from us:

Nothing happened.

Thank you,

Konoha Shinobi Administration Office

P.S., Stop spreading rumours and get a life. No wonder nothing gets done around here, all of you being the gossiping old ladies you are.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: ns

To: cherry.blossoms

Subject: Ino

Dear Sakura,

This is Chouji. I'm emailing you regarding Ino, because ever since she's gotten that email from you she locked herself into the bathroom, and hasn't come out since. It's been 4 hours, Sakura.

She wouldn't let any of us in, not even Shikamaru! The only person who has seen her since is her mother, and during the time she opened the door we caught the sight of what looked like a lot of ancient torture equipment! Her mother only told us it's something about eyelashes and not to worry, but how could we not?

What did you say to her? I even pretended to be Sasuke and asked her out on a date, and she still wouldn't come out. This is serious.

Concerned,

Chouji

P.S., I'm using Shikamaru's computer because mine was cheaply made and broke down inexplicably. I'm getting Shikamaru to fix it as we speak... er, type, whatever.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: ns

To: foodie-kage

Subject: Troublesome

Chouji,

Your computer is standard-issue. It short-circuited from all the grease on your fingers.

N.S.

* * *

Zookeeper: Not a single review for last chapter... so depressing. 

If you guys don't like this, please spare the time tell me why so that I'd be able to improve.

R&R!


	7. Gai Haircare Part I

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series_ Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

From: the.cheapest.drugstore.in.town 

To: Konoha Residents

Subject: Flyer Error

Attachment(s): _announcement.doc_

Dear Residents of Konoha,

I, Matsumoto, the owner of THE CHEAPEST DRUGSTORE IN TOWN!, wish to inform you of an error made on the most recent fliers; I apologize for any inconvenience this error may have caused.

The flier stated that NIN! brand green ninja turtle always-youthful long-lasting extra-shine shampoo and conditioner will be on sale starting tomorrow.

This, unfortunately, will no longer be true. We no longer carry that product.

In fact, the entire NIN! brand hair care line will no longer be available at THE CHEAPEAST DRUGSTORE IN TOWN!. Or any other drugstore, for that matter. I have just received an announcement from the manufacturer of the NIN! brand hair care line, which informed me that the company will no longer be in production due to the unfortunate assassination of their CEO. I have attached a copy of the announcement if you wish to verify for yourselves. I know how paranoid and into conspiracy theories some of you ninja are.

I am deeply sorry for any inconveniences this may have caused; alas there is nothing I can do about it.

Sincerely Yours,

Matsumoto

P.S., Starting Monday, Ouch brand bandages will be on sale! Get an extra 10 off for purchases over $40!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

To: sexy.green.beast

From: jr.green.beast

Subject: Fw: Flyer Error

Dear, dear Gai-sensei,

Behold the Tragedy! Our beloved, loyal NIN! brand green ninja turtle always-youthful long-lasting extra-shine hair products will no longer be sold! Anywhere! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

With all the YOUTHFUL LOVE and SINCERITY,

Your loyal student Lee

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To: jr.green.beast

From: sexy.green.beast

Subject: Tragedy!

Dear, dear student Lee,

I fully understand your plight! After all, I suffer the same! But never fear! Consider this training in looking good without the appropriate tools! After all, even though we've managed so far, we can't guarantee that we will always have access to the best hair care products while out on a mission! Imagine, Lee! To be out in the blessed nature for months without human contact! IMPROVISE, Lee! Surprise the WORLD with your RESOURCEFULNESS and INNOVATIVE MIND! And never fear, I will be at your side all the way! In fact, I, too, will be trying to solve the problem in my own way!

With all the YOUTHFUL ENERGY and VITALITY,

Your Gai-sensei

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From: sea.dolphin

To: godaime

Subject: The end of the world?

Dear Tsunade-sama,

I have reason to fear that something very bad is about to happen. Gai-sensei and his student Rock Lee (a.k.a. mini-Gai) are acting strange. As in, strange even for them. They are depressed, Tsunade-sama. Gai and Lee _depressed_. Their hair no longer has the "nin" shine, they have stopped posing, and even their smiles are less blinding than usual. Just yesterday, Kakashi-san challenged Gai to a match, and Gai-sensei refused on the grounds that he was not feeling well. Gai! Not since the attack of the Kyuubi and the massacre of the Uchiha clan has Konoha seen such unorthodox behaviour. Do you see the urgency of the situation now, Tsunade-sama?

Sincerely worried,

Iruka-sensei

* * *

Zookeeper: Wow! Thanks for all the reviews for last chapter! And there's going to be a second part to this Gai haircare disaster. Stay Tuned. 

Also, R E C E P T O R, I haven't forgotten about your idea! I'm just looking for the appropriate place to put it in.


	8. Gai Haircare Part II

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters of the anime series_ Naruto_. They and the original plot all belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

* * *

From: cherry.blossoms 

To: customer.service

Subject: Resume production

To whom it may concern,

Hello, my name is Haruno Sakura. The purpose of this email is to try to persuade your corporation into resuming production of your NIN! Brand green ninja turtle always-youthful long-lasting extra-shine hair care line. While I do not use your products personally, my colleagues do and on their behalf, as well as in the best interests of all your employees, please allow me a moment to voice -- type, whatever -- my thoughts. But first, I offer my condolences for the unfortunate death of your CEO. Though I must say, it was unwise of him to flirt with the Kazekage's sister.

The colleagues I speak of are Maito Gai and Rock Lee. You should know them. They are your most loyal customers and have single-handedly kept your company in business for the past 10 years. I am willing to bet that over 25 of your annual profits came from their accounts.

Faced with the shortage of your products, they were devastated. In their fit of desperation, they have very unwisely decided to try to figure out the secret formula of your products by themselves. To my horror, part of their ill-advised venture included the use of my personal laboratory. It was a very good laboratory, you understand. State-of-the-art equipment. Very organized. My home away from home. And now it's covered in radioactive green goop and missing a wall from the inevitable explosion. To put it mildly, I am not pleased.

None of this would have happened if you had done your stupid job properly and kept producing those stupid hair products of yours. Therefore, to avoid future events such as this, and to keep our colleagues relatively sane, I advise you to resume production.

Thank you for your consideration,

Haruno Saukra

P.S., I'll have you know that when I write this, I also speak for the Hokage, Sharingan Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Neji, Nara Shikamaru, and many others of the same calibre. If you are unsure of who they are, check under "people who can kill you easier than snapping a twig" in your local Bingo book.

P.P.S., Not that you really needed the above tidbit of information, but I just thought it might help you with your decision making process.

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From: hyuuga.neji

To: sharp.and.pointy

Subject: Return

Dear Tenten,

You should feel safe to return to Konoha now. The shampoo company resumed production under Sakura's persuasion, and even sent Lee and Gai-sensei 5 cases of free samples each. So they are back to normal. What's normal for them, anyway.

Be quick about it, a whole week without training is devastating on a ninja's skill level, especially one with a skill such as mine. It will not do to have my skills deteriorate because of your inability to face your fears head-on.

Yours,

Hyuuga Neji

P.S., Not that I _need _you or anything, you understand.

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From: sharp.and.pointy

To: Hyuuga.neji

Subject: Re: Return

Dear Neji,

Thank Kami they're back to normal. They were worse than that time when Lee got drunk. You remember that, don't you?

Yours,

Tenten

P.S., of course not. Then you wouldn't mind if I take a short vacation, would you? The macaques here are adorable.

I'm _kidding,_ Neji. Get a sense of humour. I'll be back before noon tomorrow.

* * *

Zookeeper: Review? Pretty please? 


End file.
